MasturDating

So... as I have found myself back in St Louis with a social circle consisting mostly of friends who are married, I've decided to give the internet dating scene a try. I have a profile up on Match.com, so that's a bit of my writing that people who aren't trying to date me may never come across. I thought I'd share it in this Blog. Feel free to give me tips/pointers. My future children may thank you for your role in their creation! Here's what I have so far:


Headline:
I do a great Sean Connery.


for fun:
I like going out sometimes. I like staying in sometimes. I'm sure that makes me different from everyone else in the world.

my job:
I work for a steel company. I was doing sales from my apartment in Chicago, but my dad had a health scare several months ago, and that prompted me to move back and take on more responsibility.

my religion:
There needs to be a category for Catholic/Agnostic. I'd totally check that box.

my education:
There also needs to be a category for "Some Grad School, but I dropped out because I decided not to be an Opera singer." I'd check that box, too.

favorite things:
Lost, Family Guy, Dexter, South Park, The Simpsons, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Flight of the Conchords, Entourage, Battlestar Galactica, Mythbusters, ... I'm going to stop now.

about me and who I'm looking for:
I've noticed a lot of profiles include phrases like "I'd like someone who can keep up with me" or "Can you keep up?" Do relationships usually involve a lot of running? No wonder they can be exhausting...

I'm tall, not dark (don't even tan that well) and honest. Probably honest and blunt to a fault. I don't play games unless they are fun. I have some kind of beard more often than not, but someone always makes me shave before it grows to truly epic, civil war proportions. There's oodles more to me than this, but we need something to talk about when we go out, right?

Ok, so what's my type? Definitely someone with some sass. A little on the girly side is great, but she should be willing to dress down and get some dirt in the fingernails sometimes. And she absolutely needs to be able to hold her own in a fast-paced, wit-flying conversation with my friends or family. And physically? Well, she has to look better in one of my shirts than I do. (Shouldn't be too hard.)

An ideal first date would include dinner or drinks, being goofy, and impressing eath other with useless trivia and endless sarcasm. If we have time, we can fix global warming and solve the health care crisis. Maybe we'll hunt a bear.