I spent $500 at Costco last night

The title of the post may be a little misleading. I apologize. Actually, I spent $498.70. I am still in shock. How is this possible?!

Here's a list of the stuff on the receipt... these prices may appear high, but you can assume that most of what I bought was some sort of large, bulk/economy package:

$9.69 - Popcorn
$6.49 - Cereal
$15.99 - Coffee
$13.39 - DayQuil
$13.39 - NyQuil
$19.88 - Tide
$6.99 - Apples
$21.99 - Schlafly
$15.92 - Miller Lite
$14.56 - V-8
$10.99 - Bath Towel
$7.49 - Raisin Bran
$28.99 - Fleece Jacket
$22.98 - Frozen Chicken
$18.09 - Disney DVD
$10.89 - Gum Variety Pack
$4.45 - Eggs
$13.49 - Salmon
$8.79 - LC Spa #27
$36.99 - Johnnie Walker Red
$11.98 - Swiffer Duster / Refills
$34.99 - Patron Silver
$9.99 - Clam Chowder
$10.99 - Lobster Bisque
$6.99 - Deli Chicken
$11.69 - Deli Turkey
$4.89 - Veggie Straws
$5.49 - Snap Peas
$5.49 - Snap Peas
$3.99 - Mini Peppers
$8.99 - Broccoli Cheese Soup
$10.99 - Tortilla Soup
$11.49 - Tuna
$10.65 - Irish Cheddar Cheese
$7.99 - Apple Pears
$12.54 - Swiffer Sweeper Refills

Ok, so... what the hell?! Do you see extreme extravagances?! Sure, there are a lot of non-Ramen items, but I think eating salmon and broccoli soup should be one of the perks of having a "normal job." There's some beer and hard liquor on there, but c'mon... those are practically necessities. The Disney DVD? The extra bath towel? The gum? No, I probably didn't NEED those things, but they're hardly caviar or wall-mounted talking fish. And I don't know what the LC Spa #27 item was.... probably some masturbatory aid that John threw in the cart.

Yeah, John was shopping with me and a couple of the items were his. But we were both unprepared for the final dollar amount. It was a full cart, and we joked about "The Price Is Right" style estimates for what the grand total would be. I said $250. The checker said $299. The cash register gave us an exact total, and is probably celebrating on a beach somewhere.

So yeah, I'm going to do my damnedest not to go to the grocery store until ALL of these items have been consumed. I need to know just how long this will last me. Any guesses?

If I don't make it at least halfway through November, I may have to stop eating entirely.