The Sound and the Furry

Last weekend I attended a NASPD (National Association of Steel Pipe Distributors) function in Pittsburgh. As I entered the rather ornate lobby, I couldn't help but notice a rather dirty looking young man sitting at a cafe table and staring intently into his laptop. He looked out of place among the well-dressed hotel patrons not just because of his grubby attire, but also because he was sporting a hair band with attached fuzzy ears and false fox tail. I was, however, too jet-lagged and tired to ponder on this, and proceeded to the front desk.

After getting my room key, I turned and noticed a group of even more unsavory young men clustered around a bench. It was apparent from their wardrobe and poor grooming choices that these young men were, well... nerds. And I'm not talking about the kind of "nerd" that it's hip to be these days. Not where it's "cool" to be a "nerd," as our society has been celebrating "brains" over "jocks" in some cases. I'm talking about Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, but without any of his redeeming qualities. I began to observe more and more of this particular flavor of humanity as the day went on.

Finally, I found myself in an elevator with one. Being something of a nerd myself (I have a love for just about anything that's Sci-Fi/Fantasy. I have logged more hours on MMO's than I will mention here. Oh, and I was a frickin' theatre major), I was genuinely interested, and I thought I would be able to express my interest with some sincerity:


Me, warm, genuine interest: "Hey, can I ask you what's going on in the hotel?"

Nerd, immediately defensive: "What do you mean?"

Me, patient clarification: "Well, like, those name tag / convention pass things you're wearing... what's that for?"

Nerd, intentionally vague and aloof: "Oh, it's Anthrocon."

Me, unassuming, rational follow-up: "I'm not familiar - what's that?"

Nerd, dismissive, with an audible sigh: "It would take too long to explain."


He slips out of the elevator. Like any reasonably cutting edge geek, I have a smart phone, and instantly google "Anthrocon" after he leaves. I quickly discover that the "long explanation" he was trying to avoid could have been summed up in two words: "Furry Convention."

After that, I posted a new Facebook status update, and was encouraged to get some photographic evidence. Furry photo-hunting is more difficult than you might think. Here is my favorite photo:

These are shy, timid creatures, and it is best not to approach them indoors.

I am probably more in touch with internet goings-on than the average 33 year old American, but I still I confess that my first exposure to the term "Furry" was through a more socially acceptable medium - namely, the HBO series Entourage. In the episode, one of the main characters was asked to dress up like a stuffed animal in order to have sex with an attractive young lady he contacted through Craigslist. Based on my recent experience, I have to conclude that Entourage misrepresented the Furry community. Do Furries look for sex over the internet? Probably. Are they attractive? Probably not.

I have been to comic book conventions. I have been to role-playing conventions. I have been to Star Wars and Star Trek conventions. Sure, you will see a hodge podge of various characters. You'll see all kinds. But you will occasionally see a hot chick wearing chain mail. Or Vulcan ears. Or a Golden Bikini. I kept expecting to, almost literally, see a "Foxy Lady" among the Furries. Maybe some kind of Catwoman type in sexy leather. I never saw anything close. What I saw, over and over and over and over again, were people who were just awkward looking to an extreme.

Believe me, I am really not trying to judge here. I am no male model. And I realize that there are things like inner beauty, and that beauty is usually in the eye of the beholder. I totally get that. But when you are consistently viewings specimens who have so clearly made ungainly grooming choices, you begin to wonder. We may have differences of opinions on what is "fashionable" or "attractive," but most of us would agree that "basic hygiene" is a common thread among what we find appealing.

Confused, I went to the internet to see what others may have to say on this topic. I found that my observations were widely supported. Nerds often fall into specific categories, and they even embrace that, participating fully in nerd elitism and nerd prejudices. The Star Trek and Star Wars camps feud constantly. Both factions may or may not get along with Stargate, or Battlestar Galactica nerds. And that's within Sci-Fi. We still have Lord of the Rings nerds and Larpers and so on and so on. However, Furries seem to be, quite simply, the most universally reviled subset in all of nerdom. Other nerds often simply do not tolerate the Furry Fandom.

The commonly held theory is that the unattractive and socially awkward are particularly drawn to fantasizing about being something they are not, like a majestic centaur. I did observe this to be exactly the case in Pittsburgh. The Furries were downright unapproachable socially (as in my elevator conversation). And there were no slick, good-looking people were wearing rabbit ears over their business casual gear. These were people sticking fuzzy tails through the same pair of dingy cargo shorts they hadn't washed in seven years.

Again, I am not here to judge, just to make some observations. People fascinate me. But for those of you who might think I've been too "mean" in this Blog, let me leave you with this:

One of the local four-star hotels had to kick several Furries out last weekend. It was discovered that there were about 6-8 of them sharing a room. But it was not for this cost-saving practice. The problem, it seemed, was that these Furries had opted not to use the well-appointed human facilities that were included with the lavish hotel room. Instead, this group of Furries brought, and made ample use of, a box of kitty litter. Yes, that is correct. The cleaning maids found the box of kitty litter and the evidence contained therein.

Coming home from some cocktails on my last night in Pittsburgh, I again found myself in an elevator with some Furries. Someone from my party had recently heard the above story, and just had to ask if it were true. The Furries confirmed the story. They did assure us that we should not view this as the norm, but that yes, it does happen.

Good night, everybody!